I AM IN A PUB. The congregation is there. We are having a congregation get-together but I’m disfellowshipped now so no one is talking to me. The pub is serving mashed potatoes and mushy peas. My (now estranged) childhood friend, Melanie, is there. She tells me she has moved nearby. I ask where. She says she’s moved in with someone called Susan S-something. I recognise the name as a businesswoman I used to have dealings with—one of those high-flying go-getters who was always arranging networking events. I ask Melanie if she has a property I could live in. I tell her I’m living at home with my parents but now I’m no longer a Jehovah’s Witness they want me out. She tells me I can move in with her and Susan.
The congregation get-together turns into a drunken party. An intoxicated woman called Caroline grabs me and kisses me. It feels horrible. I escape from Caroline and wander around trying to mingle but my trousers keep falling down. A group of lads try to get me to sing with them but I don’t want to. Then a game starts. We have to make radio controlled cars from Lego and drive them round and round in a circle. The winner is the one that can go the fastest without the Lego bricks flying apart. I make a car that does well, but it doesn’t win.
The party ends and I go home. I make another Lego car at home using my youngest son’s Legos. This time I fix the bricks together with super glue. I write a note to Caroline, except now her name is Julie. My (now ex) wife sees the note and is suspicious. I go outside into the street. I see Caroline-cum-Julie outside her house. She is my next door neighbour. I want to show her my Lego car but she goes indoors before I have a chance to talk to her. I post the note through her letterbox.
I race my Lego car up and down the street. My youngest son is with me. He’s upset that I’ve super glued his Lego bricks together. Even so, the Legos fly apart and I end up carrying a pile of bricks back home. As I walk along, I keep dropping the bricks. I stop walking and make a tiny Lego car. It morphs into a radio-controlled dandelion pappus that can fly. I fly it through Caroline’s open bedroom window and then back out. Then I race it to the top of the street again.
There are some children playing with a dog. The dog grabs my radio controlled dandelion thingy and starts playing with it. I shout to the children to stop the dog from crushing it. I run to them and I notice some bags of potatoes laying on the side of the road. One of the children says her mum is Caroline and I can take the potatoes home. She says her mum also has some satsumas for me. I just have to call round to get them.